my own worst enemy

Event Horizon

Monday, March 27, 2006

1. the surface of a black hole
2. the boundary of a black hole at which the escape velocity equals the speed of light and beyond which nothing can escape from within it

The definition above is taken directly from the Merriam-Webster dictionary, and almost perfectly describes the situation in whiwch we all now find ourselves.

We are on an event horizon. We've been heading toward it for some time now at break-neck speed. The bad news is, we're accelerating with every passing day and there's no escape. Some of us have seen it coming for some time now and have tried to make the most of our remaining time by attending bowl games, tailgating in freezing temperatures, filling out brackets and coming down with a case of March Madness. But our revelries will soon end.

The Black Hole of Sports. A time when the great sports of the athletic world fall into hibernation and the lesser sports feed on the hunger and desires of fans across this great nation. Sports like NASCAR, NBA basketball, baseball, and golf (the Diet Coke of sports; just one calorie, not athletic enough) plague our televisions and infiltrate the highlight reels of SportsCenter. Video clips of water-skiing squirrels are necessary to fill out the Top Ten list of plays due to the wholly unexciting nature of this season. It is a pestilence upon Americans everywhere.

And while most of us have seen it coming for some time, there are others who are blind to its arrival. They are an infected race, and were mostly likely infected by their ancestors before them. They will tell you that 117 games in a season does not make any one game less important. They will tell you that it matters whether Kobe or LeBron scores more points. They will tell you that a green jacket is more precious than cutting down nets. Do not be fooled by these people, they will try to infect you, too.

The end is near. We are nearing our own rift in the sports-time continuum and there is nothing we can do about it except hope that we make it through the wormhole that gets us back to the universe of real sports. Until then, we'll have to rely on the World Cup to get us through it all.

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