Sunday, February 05, 2006
That's what my title would be if my job were "World Conquerer."Yup. I stink when it comes to taking over the world. You might as well call me Pinky because while everyone else is planning total domination, I'm staring off into space wondering what we would look like without ears.
My roommates and I engaged in an epic game of Risk this weekend and as you can probably already guess, I lost. Bigtime. It wasn't like I didn't have a chance, either; I had a secure hold on the entire continent of Africa and Southwest Asia. Then came the pivotal turn. Booter (red) and Matthias (yellow) were trying to persuade me to attack Phil (blue) and eliminate him from the game. Sure, I might have made a dent, but the fact was that Phil had 30 armies stacked in Southeast Asia. It would cause more damage than good to attack. So I conquered a weak country, took my card, and waited to see what happened.
That's when the shit hit the fan. Booter & Matthias sensed my weakness and turned on it. Result: complete decimation of my global forces in one fell swoop. My inaction was my downfall. I was Neville Chamberlain when I should have been Winston Churchill or FDR.
It really says a lot about me in real life, too. It's so typical of me when faced with conflict to step back, wait a little longer, and see what else prevents itself when I should act on my gut. The whole time during that turn I kept thinking to myself, "You need to do something before this gets out of hand. Don't sit back like you always do." But did I listen? No. Damn you, self. Damn you.
But now I know. And knowing's half the battle. G.I. Joe! A real American hero, G.I. Joe is there!
(author's note: "Alexander the Not-So-Great" was shamelessy stolen from my best friend, Alaska, who could probably destroy me at Risk in one turn.)
Were there airlifts? WHO GOT THE LEMURS?
Perhaps having Pookie teach me Risk was the worst plan ever.
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