my own worst enemy

El Segundo Pub Crawl

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

So about a month or five ago, my roommates and I decided that we should host a Pub Crawl in our humble town, seeing as how there are ample bars within walking distance of our abode. Last weekend, our brainchild came to fruition.

This is one man's recollection of that event. Those readers who suffer from nausea, heart disease, myopia, or pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis should stop reading now.

For the reader's enjoyment, I have included a score of me vs. alcohol as dictated by rules fo AniMal's drinking game, which are as follows:

• I receive 1 point any time I drink either a shot or a pint of beer.
• Alcohol receives a point any time I due something stupid as a result of drinking.

Let hilarity commence.

This 4-day week has been more grueling since the time we had to ford the river and could only carry 100 lbs of buffalo, but fret no more. At the culmination of this abridged scholastic journey is an event with such an anticipatory quality that many of you are at risk of dysentery just from reading this e-mail. This Friday evening we will start at Stick and Stein and travel westward stopping only for necessary libations until we reach the budding Tavern on Main. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it’s the first ever El Segundo Pub Crawl! Whether you choose to be a banker from Beverly Hills, a skillful farmer of Gardena, or a Comptoner in the middle, this pub crawl is your chance to benefit from some LA purchases. Gear up for Friday; it’s our manifest destiny.

-The Boys of Sheldon

7:30 pm - Leave Chateau
8:00 pm - Stick & Stein
8:30 pm - Grand Street Café
9:30 pm - The Office
TBA - Purple Orchid Tiki Lounge
TBA - Richmond Bar and Grill
TBA - Crappy Bar by Richmond Bar and Grill
TBA - Mad Dog Ale House
TBA - Tavern on Main
2:00 am - Return to Chateau

It was a long and arduous walk from the Chateau to Stick & Stein, and needless to say our thirsts were in need of quenching. As luck would have it, the barkeep was prepared for us, pulling out 32 oz. schooners of our favorite quaffs. Soon we were engaged in a hearty conversation, about what I cannot remember. After a while Pete from BC joined our merry band, and Matthias arrived soon after from his school's Black History Month program. Both quickly made up for lost time and we headed out for out next stop.

Goat:		2
Alcohol:		0

On the walk to Grand Café, a discussion on carivorous habits ensued and it was quickly learned that Pete & Kelly were the only vegetarians in the group. Pete, having not eaten dinner, was craving some delicious falafel when Kelly informed him that there was a great vegetarian place just across the street. Mind you, that street was Sepulveda. Never wary of fast-moving objects, Pete proceeded to sprint across 8+ lanes of traffic. That man must really love falafel.

Upon arriving at the Grand Café, the first thing I noticed is the sign advertising their Breakfast Special - Pancakes, Eggs, Sausage & Bacon, all for under $4! (Note to self: hit this up sometime) Inside we find a classic airport dive bar run by what I believe was a Vietnamese couple. Solid liquor shelf, but only a handful of average beers on tap.

Matthias immediately orders up shots of Maker's Mark (he really is a saint!) and we're on a roll. Pete returns with falafel in stomach and we're also joined by a few more ladies. Time was short, so we all put back our beverage of choice so we could meet up with the other stragglers at The Office.

Goat:		4
Alcohol:		0

The walk back to downtown ES was less long and arduous than before, and Booter's shirt choice sparked a vivid discourse on 90's apparel. I can only hope to someday have his fashion sense. Rock on, Nostalgic Warrior!

By now we're running a bit behind schedule, but it's all good because a couple dozen of our friends are waiting for us at The Office. This brings our total to something around 35 crawlers. With our increased numbers we are beginning to scare the locals, making them flee to the outdoor patio.

Notable guests include the lovely Melissa Weyek, the Hermosa Crew, some C5s I don't know nearly well enough, and the Meyer's (John's father and brother). Speaking of C5s I don't know well enough, I called Patrick "Paul". Come to find out later in the weekend, Paul is the only African American in Place Corps. Patrick is most definitely not black. Oops. Sorry, Patrick.

Oh, and I almost walked into the women's restroom. Given some of the townies, thank Jebus it was locked.

Goat:		5
Alcohol:		2

Next stop, Tiki Lounge. Our arrival prompted the quintessential quote of the evening:

Bartender: "What are you guys, college students or something?"
Matthias: "Nope, we're teachers." <loud cheers from PLACErs>
Matthias: "Six shots of Maker's, please."

I don't remember hearing this quote, but I do remember the Maker's (and it was oh-so-delicious). To be honest, I don't remember much about this bar. I'm pretty sure I gave Melissa a shoulder massage, and then gave one to Stephanie, too (didn't mean to weird you out, Steph). What I do remember is going back to the bathroom and standing puzzled in front of both doors. Neither were labeled but instead had a tiki god statue on them. After several back-and-forth glances (it was dark) , I noticed two pointy protuberances on one of the statues and quickly figured out it was not the door I wanted. Take that, alcohol.

Goat:		6
Alcohol:		2

Feeling quite good and ready to move on, Matthias and Phil officially declared that it was time to move on to Richmond's and bolted out the door. Taking a cue from the voice in my head that said, "Never mind their head-start; you can still beat them!", I took off in a mad sprint down the sidewalk. That's when the first casualty of the night occurred: one pair of Levi's destroyed and one right knee with a case of road rash. I am my own worst enemy.

I finally arrive at Richmond's to find out what my colleagues now know: Richmond's is closed. Closed?!?! It's only 11:15! Well, the owner is still there behind the bar but he's no longer serving customers. Phil goes into a long schpiel about how much he loves Richmond's freshly made potato chips and that he has been looking forward to them all night and he can't live without these chips and and ... and ... That's when the waitress says "I'll get you some cold chips out of the back." VICTORY!! We all agreed the owner is a class act and there were handshakes all around. God bless you, owner of Richmond's. God bless you.

Goat:		6
Alcohol:		3

In all fairness to the Crappy Bar by Richmond's, I would like to state as fact that its real name is Old Town Patio. That being said, we were so infatuated with our newly acquired chips that we entirely forgot about the Crappy Bar by Richmond's. It was about that time we noticed Joe Sports Bar driving by in his pickup truck. Fearing we wouldn't survive the one block walk to Tavern on Main, the six of us all piled into the bed of the truck. (Mind you, the rest of the pub crawlers had already moved on.) JSB decides to take the most inconspicuous route possibly and head down Grand to Main.

That's about the time someone saw a cop. So what does Joe do? He throws the truck in reverse, backs up Grand, pulls a U-ey, and I'm pretty sure he ran a stop sign, too. We're now back where we started in front of Richmond's. There's a white SUV next to us that people are talking to, and someone says we should get out of the pickup and into SUV. Genius! I immediately volunteer, get in, and buckle up. It's about this point I realize that I have no idea who the driver is. Luckily, three of my compadres have joined me and it turns out the guy is one of my friend's coworkers. Whew. We soon arrive safely and legally at Tavern on Main.

Goat:		6
Alcohol:		4

We pour out of our respective vehicles to find the other crawlers already inside the Tavern. We were there just long enough for a few photo ops when someone realizes that we skipped Mad Dog Ale House. A small band of crawlers loyal to the cause run out the door and sprinted over to the neglected bar. I nearly won the foot-race until a barefoot Matthias surpassed me in the last 20 feet. Why were we racing again? Oh yeah, beer. Mmmm, beer.

Goat:		6
Alcohol:		4

Matthias immediately orders a round of Maker's for the small crew and we're back in business. It's about this time Matthias notices a guy sitting alone at the end of the bar eating a salad. "Why are you eating a salad?" he asks. Matthias is almost offended that this guy could be eating something green. The guy says he jsut wants to enjoy his meal, but Matthias wants nothing of it. Phil tries to patch things up, telling the guy we want to do a shot with him. Matthias immediately balks, "I'm not taking a shot with him unless he orders a hamburger!" Ah, here's to almost getting into a fight over eating meat. We quickly down our beers and hightail it out of there.

Goat:		8
Alcohol:		4

We arrive back at the Tavern to find much shiznittery taking place. I order up the worst beer I drank all night -- a Coors Light -- which was fine since I couldn't taste it anyways. In the meantime, the Vegetarians seem to be hitting it off and Matthias is dancing it up with the guy who drove the SUV. Good times all around.

Around 1:15am, a few of us decided we were finished. I'm pretty sure it was Pangle, John, Phil and myself. I don't know when everyone else left, but there were reports later that Matthias took off his pants and shoes, handed them to his girlfriend and ran through the streets of El Segundo in boxers and a t-shirt. Well done.

Goat:		9
Alcohol:		4

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