my own worst enemy

Christmas Wish List

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

It's that time of year again, and to help out my loyal readers I have compiled a list of gifts you can buy me for Christmas this year. Be warned, though; the awesomeness of these gifts is so great that you may become jealous and want to buy them for yourself. This is permitted, but only after purchasing said gift for me first. (click on the pictures to go to a website where you can purshase said items)

1. Animaniacs on DVD

Hellooooooooo Nurse!! Sweet freaking crapticles, Animaniacs is finally out on DVD! Endless hours of my childhood were "wasted" watching this spectacle of comedic genius and I feel it is partly to blame for my sick and twisted sense of humor. The rest of the blame lies squarely on the shoulders of my father (those of you who have met the man can attest to this). One of my favorite scenes from the show was set to the story of Anastasia, and Yakko, Wakko, and Dot were driving around in shriner buggies inside the royal castle. The butler yells at them, "SLOW DOWN!", to which Yakko replies, "Why? Everyone else here is Russian."

2. Kick-the-Cheat Doll

Okay, so I'm a few year behind on this one and some of you already own this item, but it doesn't diminish the awesomeness of it! I mean, why don't I already have one of these? Or any homestarrunner.com merchandise, for that matter? I freaking introduced all of you to Strong Bad over 5 years ago! What's up with that? All of you had opportunities to get me a shirt with Trogdor on it, or a Bear Holding a Shark hooded sweatshirt. But noooo. Jeez, some friends you are.

PS - this one freaked out my mom when I sent it to her as a gift idea. "What is this website you sent me to?!"

3. Shirts

Okay, okay. So shirts are not that awesome of a gift. But they do cover up my lack of chest hair and flabby abs, so in a way they're pretty awesome. And unless you are Nips, you probably like shirts, too. And if don't, too bad becuase I nee new ones. So back off, or I'll punch you in the face!

If none of those items rocked your effin' socks off, then hold on to your underpants, for I give you the greatest gift idea. Ever.

4. Bacon of the Month Club

Holy hog-meat, Batman! Is it really true? Some genius decided to form a club for bacon lovers (read: "everyone"). Imagine, a new type of bacon delivered to your doorstep every month! Hickory smoked for January, lightly salted for June, extra fatty come November. Oh man, my mouth is watering now just thinking about it.

As a member, you get more than just a new bacon every month. Check out all this awesome bacon related paraphernalia!

• Informative notes on all bacon selections
• Discounts on Grateful Palate bacon products and bacons
• Bacon of the Month Club Membership Card
• The Bacon Strip—Our monthly bacon comic strip for members only
• The Bacon of the Month Club Pig Ballpoint Pen
• A Little Rubber Toy Pig
• One free Bacon Tee-Shirt

I haven't been this giddy about a possible gift in ages. Sweet dear baby Jesus, wrapped in swaddling clothes, how better can I celebrate your birth than with a year's supply of tasty bacon?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 06, 2006 at 6:59 PM. There are . If you want, you can leave your own response by clicking here. You may also send this post to a friend of yours via email, or bookmark it for yourself by using icons below;