my own worst enemy

Balls.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

As in shit. Fuck. Insert-favorite-one-word-expletive-here. I think I picked it up from hanging out with Jism this fall (does that make it a Jism-ism?), and I say it whenever something seems to go wrong. Seems like I've been saying it a lot lately. Let's explore why:

1. Sucky basketball teams -- I doubt you've been looking at my blogs tracking the progress of Notre Dame and Louisville basketball teams, but here's a summary: they stink. I assumed Louisville wouldn't win the Big East their first year, and with it being a rebuilding year I had them picked for middle of the pack. But now it looks like they might not even make the conference tourney! Nipping on their tails are the Irish with a mere one win in conference play. What's really disappointing about ND is that most of their Big East losses have been by narrow margins. Come on, Brey. Do some end-of-the-game coaching. Balls.
2. United Airline Fuckers -- So remember all that travelling I did last fall where I really didn't live anywhere, per se? Well, I get an email from United today saying that time is running out to achieve my Premier Executive status and I need less than 2,000 miles to get it. Then I remember I have a US Airways flight worth 2,288 miles that I haven't gotten credit for (USAir and United are mileage partners). I call up United and make the request only to get denied because even though I bought the ticket through US Airways, the flight was operated by American West, which is not a partner with United. What the fuck? The only reason I opted for the US Airways flight was because I would get miles for United! What a fucking sham. Balls.
3. Stolen MP3 Player -- Only days after miraculously saving my MP3 player from the electronics graveyard, I apparently leave it on the sink in the bathroom at work last Friday. I don't realize this until Sunday night when I want to listen to some tunes. I come into work Monday and explore all avenues -- bathrooms, building management, company email list, cleaning crews -- and no one has seen it. Sure. Oh, just so you know, the bathrooms are locked at all times so the only people who can get in are employees and the cleaning crew. It's my own damn fault for leaving it behind, but it sure says a lot about mankind that you can't accidentally leave something in a locked room and rightfully expect to ever get it back. I should also mention that I'm not entirely positive that I left it in the bathroom, but that's the last time I can remember seeing it and I have yet to find it in my apartment. I am my own worst enemy. Balls.

Granted, not everything in life is bad right now. Here are some super-sweet things that have happened lately:

• New Pillows -- $10 at Bed, Bath & Beyond and I'm sleeping like a rock now.
• US Soccer -- Got to see the National Team play Norway on Sunday. There was definitely some tailgating action with Booter, Phil and Pangle that required skipping the first twenty minutes of the game. Oh yeah, USA won 5-0. (oh, and it definitely made me miss DC United games)
• Beer Die -- Taught the roomies how to play Beer Die this weekend. Booter's first question: "Do the pint glasses ever get broken?" First toss that hit a pint glass shattered it. It was Booter's pint glass. This prompted me to buy a dozen new pint glasses solely for Beer Die.
• Upcoming Trips/Visits -- Next weekend visiting Ginger in Lafayette. The weekend after Lizett arrives in LA. Momma Rousseau's coming to LA March 2-8. Ginger and friends coming out for Spring Break. The roomies and I are going to Round 1 of the NCAA in either San Diego or Oakland. Oose.
• Undefeated Dodgeball Team -- Monday night we beat the Sitting Ducks to remain undefeated and take sole claim of first place in the league. Three games left in the season before the Playoffs.

Author: Goat » Comments:

Dodgeball Schedule, Winter 2006

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Date	Opp Rank	Opponent	W/L	Score	Record	Rank
1/9	--	Monkeys Throw Poop	W	6-0	1-0	--
1/16	T-5	Matsuballs	W	6-2	2-0	T-1
1/23	T-3	Sweaty Balls	W	6-3	3-0	T-1
1/30	T-1	Sitting Ducks	W	6-5	4-0	T-1
2/6	3	Duck Hunters	L	4-6	4-1	1
2/13	8	Free Agent Team	W	6-0	5-1	2
3/13	7	The Godfathers	W	6-0	6-1	2
3/27	--	Recess All-Stars [Playoff Quarterfinals]	--	--	--	--
3/7	--	Duck Hunters/TSM [Playoff Semifinals]	--	--	--	--
3/27	--	[Playoff Finals]	--	--	--	--

Rankings shown are those at beginning of game

Author: Goat » Comments:

State of the Goat

Now that January is almost over and I can finally remember to write 2006 when I date things, it's time to update you all on the current state of my life. So let's get to it.

First and foremost, work is starting to kick butt. I no longer dread going to the office every morning like I did there for a while. There's something about actually having something to do that challenges your mind and produces results that makes you forget you're staring at a computer 8 hours of your day. I'm working on some super-sweet algorithm simulations that will hopefully convince the government that they should give us money. Actually, my simulations will probably get passed on to a much more proficient programmer who will look at them and exclaim, "What is this shit?!?", promptly throw them away and start from scratch. I'm searching for possible assignments for my next rotation, which starts in June/July. I really want to stay in California for one more year, then maybe go to Denver or DC the next year.

I'm also starting to get in a rhythm outside of work. Dodgeball has started another season (which you read about here) and so far we're undefeated! Booya! Tuesday nights have brought the return of community band practice, where we are no longer playing Christmas tunes we've played a million times before. Big Guy, I know it's your birthday, but I can only take so much. Isn't two months of Christmas enough? The roommates (read: "Booter") and I are starting up the sweet tradition of Thursday nights at The Office, where we first watch a hilarious episode of the sitcom The Office and then proceed to walk two blocks to a bar called The Office and order two-for-one Amber Bocks. Delicious. Mix in pick-up basketball on every Thursday, Friday and Sunday and you have a full week, my friend.

Other than that, I've been reading The Dark Tower by Stephen King. I just started Book II, and I can assure you that it kicks ass. There are 5 more books to go, and I can already say this. If you're looking for a good fiction with a hint of sci-fi, pick up the first book: The Gunslinger.

Author: Goat » Comments:

What's so special about rocket scientists?

Friday, January 20, 2006

I got to chatting with my co-workers yesterday and the topic of job titles came up. We all have the ambigious job title of Systems Engineer. Yet it turns out that the company doesn't mandate what job title you list on your business card. If your manager approves it, you're golden. One of my buddies in San Bernadino managed to get "Rocket Scientist" seeing as how he designs rockets.

It got me thinking. We design radars missile defense at our office. We have to use our brains to come up with a system to shoot down rockets. It's like we're shooting them down with mind bullets. "That's telekenesis, Kyle!" We have to be even smarter than the rocket scientists.

I bring this up in the office conversation and my co-worker replies, "We're better than rocket scientists. We're 'Anti-rocket Scientists'!"

Thus, I'm officially changing the old adage to "You don't have to be an Anti-rocket Scientist."

Author: Goat » Comments:

The Desperado Slayer

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Ever downed a CJ's Golden Domer? Think finishing that 1-pound burger was quite an accomplishment? Do ya? HUH? Well you're an ant compared to this man! Armed with nothing but hiw two hands and his pearly whites, he single-handedly devoured the 2-pound beast of a burger known as The Desperado.

Designed to serve a family of four, the Desperado hangs off the edges of a standard dinner plate, requires 6 slices of cheese, and its bun top comes on a separate plate. Women swoon in its presence, men lose control of their bladders, and children flee in terror. But one man stood his ground and laid waste to his worthy opponent. This is that man:

Our hero with Desperado in belly.
After finishing the last morsel he was overheard saying, "I am all that is man!" Known as Matthias by his friends, he will live on in legend as The Deperado Slayer.

Author: Goat » Comments:

I love the smell of solder in the morning

Dear Mom and Dad,

I'm proud to inform you that the soldering iron and tool kit which I asked for (and you subsequently got me) for Christmas 3 years ago finally turned out to be quite useful.

The Soldering Iron of Justice (and other lesser tools)
It was just yesterday I started noticing that the headphone jack on my MP3 player (which you got me for Christmas last year) was looser than usual and as a result caused one or both earpieces not to play music. This is where my education in Electrical Engineering (which you also helped me get) came in quite handy. I opened up the case of the faulty MP3 player with the screwdrivers from the toolkit which, while adequate, could have been better. Upon removal of the casing, the culprit was soon located -- four broken solder joints. I whipped out my handy-dandy butane-powered soldering iron and reattached the separated headphone jack with the steady hands of a recovering crack addict who just began rehab. It was no easy battle, but victory was soon mine.

Electronics Gone Wild!
Were it not for your gracious gifts, I would be stuck at work with nothing to listen to as I stare mindlessly into my computer monitor. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

You loving son,
Goat

Author: Goat » Comments:

Behind the writing of Pamela Anderson's letter

Monday, January 16, 2006

My roommate found the following article written in response to Pamela Anderson's recent letter to Kentucky governor Ernie Fletcher on the removal of Colonel Sander's bust from the state capitol building.

Anderson wrote the letter with the help of People for the Ethical Treatment of animals. PETA stepped in an rewrote the letter after finding it contained no verbs and was littered with misplaced commas and semicolons. When questioned about her lack of grammar, Anderson curtly replied saying, "I used the semicolons so that people wouldn't doubt my writing skills. A semicolon is like a neon sign that says, 'Back off; I'm smart.'" Whether Anderson realized that her "neon sign" would have actually included the lauded semicolon is unknown.

The source of the article is unknown, but is believed to be written by a short man with spiky blond hair and voice that cracks occassionally. Whoever he is, he is a literary genius.

Author: Goat » Comments:

Film Actors Guild (FAG) strikes again...

Friday, January 13, 2006

I was really getting concerned here lately that I was running out of things to write about in this blog. But then Pamela Anderson opened her mouth (to talk, sick-o) and suddenly I had material with which to work (side note: Damn you, Grammar Club, for making me correct prepositional phrases at the end of sentences.) Check out this article from CNN.com today.

Pamela Anderson takes on Colonel Sanders
TV star leads campaign to remove a bust of 'cruel' KFC founder from Kentucky state capitol.January 13, 2006: 2:43 PM EST

NEW YORK (CNN) - Television star Pamela Anderson is leading a campaign to have the bust of Kentucky Fried Chicken founder Harland Sanders removed from the Kentucky state capitol.

In a letter to Gov. Ernie Fletcher, the former Baywatch star says suppliers for the fast food chain, now called KFC, engage in cruel and unusual treatment of chickens, including tearing the heads off of live birds, spitting tobacco into their eyes and spray-painting their faces.

Anderson wrote the letter with the help of People for the Ethical Treatment of animals. In a statement issued by PETA, Anderson said, "The bust of Colonel Sanders stands as a monument to cruelty and has no place in the Kentucky state
capitol."

Brett Halle, communications director for the governor, told CNN, "We understand that people have a passion for their causes, but Harland Sanders is a beloved man, and as far as this state is concerned, he exemplifies the best of Kentucky. The governor has no intention of moving his statue. If we were going to move it, it would be to a more prominent position where more people could see it."

A spokeswoman for KFC told CNN that the letter is "just another misguided publicity stunt by PETA in their attempt to create a vegan society."
--from CNN Business News Assignment Editor Tom Ziegler

Okay, so most people won't care much about this, but as a native Kentuckian it really struck a nerve. First let's learn a little history about the so-called "cruel" founder of KFC, Colonel Harlan Sanders. This is going to be long, so if you're the type who strives on sound bites and never learning all the details, I suggest you stop reading this entry now.

(taken from the official KFC website)

Colonel Harland Sanders, born September 9, 1890, actively began franchising his chicken business at the age of 65. Now, the KFC® business he started has grown to be one of the largest quick service food service systems in the world. And Colonel Sanders, a quick service restaurant pioneer, has become a symbol of entrepreneurial spirit.

When the Colonel was six, his father died. His mother was forced to go to work, and young Harland had to take care of his three-year-old brother and baby sister. This meant doing much of the family cooking. By the age of seven, he was a master of several regional dishes.

At age 10, he got his first job working on a nearby farm for $2 a month. When he was 12, his mother remarried and he left his home near Henryville, Ind., for a job on a farm in Greenwood, Ind. He held a series of jobs over the next few years, first as a 15-year-old streetcar conductor in New Albany, Ind., and then as a 16-year-old private, soldiering for six months in Cuba.

After that he was a railroad fireman, studied law by correspondence, practiced in justice of the peace courts, sold insurance, operated an Ohio River steamboat ferry, sold tires, and operated service stations. When he was 40, the Colonel began cooking for hungry travelers who stopped at his service station in Corbin, Ky. He didn't have a restaurant then, but served folks on his own dining table in the living quarters of his service station.

As more people started coming just for food, he moved across the street to a motel and restaurant that seated 142 people. Over the next nine years, he perfected his secret blend of 11 herbs and spices and the basic cooking technique that is still used today.

Sander's fame grew. Governor Ruby Laffoon made him a Kentucky Colonel in 1935 in recognition of his contributions to the state's cuisine. And in 1939, his establishment was first listed in Duncan Hines' "Adventures in Good Eating."

In the early 1950s a new interstate highway was planned to bypass the town of Corbin. Seeing an end to his business, the Colonel auctioned off his operations. After paying his bills, he was reduced to living on his $105 Social Security checks.

Confident of the quality of his fried chicken, the Colonel devoted himself to the chicken franchising business that he started in 1952. He traveled across the country by car from restaurant to restaurant, cooking batches of chicken for restaurant owners and their employees. If the reaction was favorable, he entered into a handshake agreement on a deal that stipulated a payment to him of a nickel for each chicken the restaurant sold. By 1964, Colonel Sanders had more than 600 franchised outlets for his chicken in the United States and Canada. That year, he sold his interest in the U.S. company for $2 million to a group of investors including John Y. Brown Jr., who later was governor of Kentucky from 1980 to 1984. The Colonel remained a public spokesman for the company. In 1976, an independent survey ranked the Colonel as the world's second most recognizable celebrity.

Until he was fatally stricken with leukemia in 1980 at the age of 90, the Colonel traveled 250,000 miles a year visiting the KFC restaurants around the world.

As you see, the Colonel lived quite a life. If you have ever been to Corbin, Kentucky, then you truly realize the enormity of this man's accomplishments. He was a visionary and a risk-taker who embodied the American ideal of hard work. Compare that to Pamela Anderson, who tackles the daunting task of putting on makeup and showing off her grossly oversized fake boobs (which, I will admit, I have ogled).

Many people are confused as to why he is referred to as the "Colonel." Most think he was a colonel in the Civil War, or that he played on the Kentucky Colonels of the now-defunct American Basketball Association (ABA). The truth is that "Colonel" is an honorary title bestowed upon him by the Commonwealth of Kentucky. The title of Kentucky Colonel is awarded to someone whose actions advance the betterment of Kentucky or Kentuckians.

(from Wikipedia.com)

Kentucky Colonel is a honorary title bestowed upon individuals by approval of the Governor of Kentucky. It is not a military rank, requires no duties, and carries with it no pay or other compensation other than membership in The Honorable Order of Kentucky Colonels.

The title Kentucky Colonel has been around since 1813. The Kentucky Militia had just returned from a highly successful "War of 1812" campaign that resulted in control of the Northwest being returned to the United States. When the militia disbanded, Governor Isaac Shelby commissioned Charles S. Todd, one of his officers in the campaign, as an aide-de-camp on the Governor's Staff with the rank and grade of Colonel. Todd married Shelby's youngest daughter two years later.

Early Colonels actually served military roles. In the latter part of the 1800's, the position took on a more ceremonial function. Colonels in uniform attended functions at the Governor's mansion and stood as symbolic guards at state events. By the late 1800's, the title had become more of an honorary one. In fact the title is handed out so freely that in recent years the Kentucky state legislature has taken steps to limit how many may be granted in a given year.

Award of the title requires nomination from an existing Colonel. Nominators are expected to consider the nominee's service and contributions to the Global community before making a nomination. Applicants must be at least 18 years old. The sitting Governor of the Commonwealth of Kentucky bestows the honor of a Colonel's Commission, by issuance of a certificate.

Given the weight that this title carries in the Bluegrass State, it comes as no surprise that the governor's office responded by saying they move the Colonel's bust to a "more prominent position where more people could see it."

So now that you have an idea of why I was so easily set off by Mrs. Anderson's comments, let's take a more object look at the absurdity of her argument (if you can call it that).

1. "The bust of Colonel Sanders stands as a monument to cruelty..."
   If anything, the bust of Harlan Sanders stands as a monument to hard work and entrepreneurialism and the reward that their combination can bring. The man never had a thing given to him in his entire life. Did he complain or demand better treatment? No. He won his bread one day at a time. It wasn't until he was over 60 years old and living on a $105 Social Security check that he started the business that would eventually give him fortune and (unexpected) fame.
   
   It is also rather far-fetched to link Colonel Sanders to cruelty to animals. I agree that farmers spray-painting the faces of live chickens is cruel and abhorent, but Harlan Sanders isn't the one telling farmers to commit this foul act. In fact, he hast had little say in how the company has been run since he sold his share in 1964. He has had absolutely nothing to say since he died in 1980!
   
   Instead of protesting a bust of a great man, she should be addressing the responsible parties: the executives of Yum! Brands and the farmers themselves. While she's at it, maybe she should demand that Yum! Brands cease and desist the association of the Colonel with KFC until the cruely is stopped.


2. "...and has no place in the Kentucky state capitol."
   Given the contributions this man has made to the Commonwealth of Kentucky, if for no other reason than making it a household name worldwide for something other than marijuana-growing, the state capitol building is exactly the place where he should be honored.
   
   Most people outside of the Bluegrass State think of Kentuckians as just a bunch of slack-jawed yokels and rednecks who can't contribute to this nation. Sometimes this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy amongst to people who live in the Commonwealth, as they are constantly reminded of the stereotype when they venture to other parts of the country. Fellow Kentuckians like Colonel Harlan Sanders stand as a beacon of encouragement to those citizens who ignore the stereotypes and put their faith in hard work.
   
   Personally, I believe uneducated, self-promoting actors and actresses such as Pamela Anderson have no place in the political arena.

Maybe I'll form my own PETA -- "People for the Education of Thoughtless Activists." That has a nice ring to it.

Author: Goat » Comments:

Computer of the future

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Ever get frustrated at the rate of techonological progress these days? Well this ought to put things in perspective. It's a picture from a 1954 Popular Mechanics magazine depicting the home computer of 2004.

Compare to this, which Apple just released days ago. Too bad these guys had never heard of Moore's Law or, for that matter, the transistor.

Off Topic: Awesome T-Shirts

Author: Goat » Comments:

Back from the dead

Can I just start by saying that this week has dragged on for an eternity? I really think that the first full week of anything after having time off is the hardest thing to endure in everyday life. They should really have "re-entry" programs for returning to work where you ease back into your normal schedule, adding one day per week until you are back to a full week. It's like rehab for the vacation junkie.

Speaking of vacation, my two weeks out of office were splendid. Seven at home in Kentucky, three in Tempe with Ginger, and like three days filled with nothing but travel. Oh, and for added bonus, Ginger stayed in LA for four extra days (even though I had to be at work!). Seeing the family was great, and I even got to watch my nephews one morning. Holy crap, they have a lot of energy! It was fun, but rest assured that I will not be having children anytime soon. I don't know how my sister stays home with them all day every day. The Fiesta Bowl trip was pretty sweet barring the game. Highlights of the trip include:

• Arriving at the Block Party at 12:05 am on New Years. Everyone was already leaving.
• Dinner at P.F. Chang's with Ball, Mal, Kelly, Nips, and Berger, followed by piano bar action with Dixie and Jimmy (Jude?)
• Andrea. 'Nuff said.
• Continuining another stupid Tone tradition by watching another (terrible) horror flick in the hotel. This bowl's pick: The Fog with Tom Welling and Maggie Grace. (Spoiler: Despite the abundant quatity of gargantuan fishing hooks in this movie, there was no Death Hook. Ball wept.)

I could tell you more about the trip. I could also punch you in the face. Trust me, you want neither.

Getting to hang out with Ginger again was super sweet, too. This long-distance dating thing is tough at times, but frequent visits help tremendously. We've done most of the touristy things in LA already, so we mostly hung out at the apartment. She did buy a new bikini which she got to wear on the beach when it was 80º over the weekend. It's tough living in a temperate, oceanic climate.

Since then, work has been pretty steady. I've have a lot of stuff to work on, which makes the days go by a little faster. Add on top of that dodgeball, concert band, and pickup basketball with the roommates and you have why I rarely post anymore.

Speaking of dodgeball, my team, "The Los Angeles Dodgers of Orange," defeated "Monkeys Throwing Poo" by a score of 6-0 Monday night. Oose.

Author: Goat » Comments:

The hiatus ends

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

After 19 days of doing absolutely nothing (which is what I do when I'm not posting), I bring you this moment of hilarity:

Setting: Booter & Goat's bathroom

Booter:		Excuse me. I have to get the goop off my hands.
Goat:		I hear you. [shows hands]
Matthias:		[chuckles from other room]

It's great having roommates with immature senses of humor.

Author: Goat » Comments: