Hollister is for poseurs
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Okay, so I'm not feeling very creative and articulate today, so I'm posting a letter my girlfriend sent to the editor of The Exponent (Purdue's student newspaper) last year. She actually wrote much more than this article, but was limited to 300 words or something like that. Check it out.
Imagine you’re visiting California, but when you get there, you notice everybody is wearing t-shirts with logos from the Midwest. You might see several Harry's Chocolate Shop t-shirts, or maybe a shirt that says something goofy like "See More in Seymour, IN," or "Lafayette is for Lovers," or "Bowling in South Bend." You would probably wonder at first if your Midwestern kinsmen had joined you on the west coast. But no, they bought their T-shirts at the local mall. In fact, the hot co-ed wearing the "bowling" shirt has never even been to a bowling alley! That is what it's like for a Californian to see all these Midwesterners wearing Hollister "surf" gear.
According to an article on TrendCentral.com, the Hollister Co. clothing store was established when the clever marketing execs at Abercrombie & Fitch noticed that the smaller sizes of printed logo t-Shirts were selling out. (This explains why Hollister sell tons of t-shirts that look like they came from a California thrift store, and everything is a size too small.) Hollister Co. is NOT a legit surf shop, but a way for A&F to line their pockets with naive young Midwesterner’s cash. Young Midwesterners who’ve possibly never seen an ocean, let alone surfed, can make believe that they are one of the characters on The OC. The smart marketers at A&F recognized that the “California surfer lifestyle” is glorified in the media, and brilliantly found a use for a surfboard in the land-locked Midwest – as a moneymaking accessory.
If you like the clothes at Hollister, fine. You look trendy and cool to the majority of people that you will meet at Purdue. Just keep in mind that you look absolutely ridiculous to anyone who surfs or has ever lived on the West Coast.
In case you were wondering, there is a town named Hollister in California. It is approximately 15 miles (as the crow flies) from the beach and a 24.0 mile drive to the nearest surf shop.
If you want to wear genuine surf apparel, I recommend checking out these brands: Becker, Quicksilver, O'neill, Billabong, Roxy, RipCurl, etc.
Author: Goat » Comments:
Well shit.
Monday, December 19, 2005
The monkey gods of fate smiled upon me for a brief moment with the reward of tickets to the Fiesta Bowl, but their smiles turned into evil grins as they flung the feces of misfortune at my face and took the tickets back. Damn you, monkey gods! DAMN YOU!
So it turns out the Ticket Office emailed my buddy Mike last Friday stated clearly that he had won a pair of tickets; yet today he received a FedEx-ed letter stating that he had indeed
not won. What kind of shitty work is this? We have some incompetent dolts working at our fair University.
Author: Goat » Comments:
Booya!!
Friday, December 16, 2005
{in a celecratory dance/taunt}
We goin' to Fi-esssta Bowl!
We goin' to Fi-esssta Bowl!
I got two tickets! The hilarious thing is, my primary (and what I thought was my only) source
did not win tickets through the lottery. But during lunch today, Mike Denney called and said he won two tickets and asked I fI wanted them. Sweet sweet
serendipity!
We're all gonna get laid!
Author: Goat » Comments:
Sushi!
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Monday at lunch my coworkers learned that I have never tried sushi. This was followed immediately by looks of astonishment and demands that we have sushi for lunch the next day. I immediately became passive aggressive Goat and subtlely tried to change the subject, but cowing away only goaded them on more. So I caved. Surprised? I bet one reader isn't (you think you have me all figured out, don't you??) I successfully postponed it one day due to my marathon training, but today there was no excuse. It was time to face my destiny. Or something.
Luckily I had a veteran take me to the local sushi shop, and he ordered some relatively mild entrees: Yellowtail, Tuna, and Spicy Tuna Rolls. Now, I wasn't entirely honest when I said I've never had sushi before. A couple summers ago I was up at Carolyn's lake "cabin" and her mom made California rolls but used cooked crab and shrimp, not raw fish. I forced down two slices dipped in soy sauce and wasabi, despite my gag reflex's vehement attempt at the opposite. Not the best experience.
So needless to say I was a little nervous about my first bite. It was a Spicy Tuna Roll. Popped one in my mouth, started chewing and, lo and behold, it was pretty good! Then I projectile vomited. Haha! No I didn't. Next up: Yellowtail. Delicious! Tuna? Scrumptuous! This stuff hardly even tastes like fish. In fact, it was like biting into a very tender (albeit uncooked) piece of beef. Not as much flavor as beef, but still fairly tasty. The waiter, who knows that this is my first time eating sushi, stops by to see how we're doing. As when all waiters stop by, my face is stuffed with a huge bite of food. I'm trying to chew up this bite and I must've made a contorted face or something because he looked at me and said, "I better get you more water," only in a Japanese accent. Awesome.
So there it is. After all these years of swearing off sushi, I actually enjoyed it. It's not like I'm going to start eating it on a regular basis, though. One step at a time, my friend. One step at a time.
Author: Goat » Comments:
Warrior of the 405
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Part of the sacrifice I made to live with my awesome roommates is that everyday I have to drive 33 miles to work. Approximately 30 miles is on the 405. For those of you who have never been to California, here's a few points of interest:
- Freeways, expressways, interstates and other major highways are not refered to as "Interstate X" or "State Road X", but rather "The X". Nowhere else in this great country do people do this, but then again nowhere else in this country is there such an abundance of hippies.
- The 405 is always packed. ALWAYS. You will always be surrounded by 100 other cars, none of whom are passing the others. However, if you find yourself alone, riding in the green fields with the sun on your face, do not be troubled. For you are in Elysium, and you're already dead!
Typical traffic on the 405
Photo courtesy of Baron's Blog
Every morning I get up before the ass-crack of dawn to get on the road by 6:15am so that I beat 50% of the other Los Angeleans going to work. This works out well because it allows me to leave work at 4:00pm and beat 50% of the Los Angeleans going home. Well, this morning I forgot to set my alarm. I didn't end up getting out the door until 7:00am. Knowing full well the hell that lay before me, I decided to get some Mickey-D's on the way out. Got on the 405 and what do you know... traffic was moving! Holy crap! It only took 45 minutes to get to work, which is par for the course!
I've been trying to notice traffic patterns so I know when and when not to travel in LA, but all I've learned in the past six months is that there is no pattern. That, and LA drivers don't know what the fuck to do when it starts raining. They're like Chicken Little in their cars screaming, "The sky is falling! THE SKY IS FALLINGGGGG!!" They're so busy looking up at the falling sky that one of them forgets to brake when everyone else slows down and WHAM! Car accident. Stopped traffic. Awesome. LA has so many accidents per day that they have a special term for the really, really bad ones: SigAlert. I have no idea what the "Sig" is SigAlert stands for, but check out the website: http://www.sigalert.com.
That said, LA is still better to drive through than Northern Virginia. That place just plain sucks.
Author: Goat » Comments:
A Plethora of Blogs
Monday, December 12, 2005
So, in case you aren't Lizett and haven't noticed already, I now have five blogs. FIVE, bitches. That's five times as many as any of you have. To be honest, I really only have two blogs to which I make honest-to-god posts, the other three are merely basketball scores. But that's still twice as many as you!
Those of you know me know that every year around this time I start keeping track of my favorite college basketball teams. Normally I keep a blurb in my AIM profile updating all my friends as to how said teams are doing. Well, I decided this year to use this great God-given gift of blogging to take care of the chore instead. Now I can include graphics, schedules, and even make it look like I made a post the day of the game when I actually didn't! So check 'em out:
University of LouisvilleNotre Dame (Men's)Notre Dame (Women's)Right now they are just game results plus a season schedule. If my life ever affords the time (or I actually get to see a televised game), I might write up a game recap or two, and provide amateur insight.
Tough thing about this season: Louisville joined the Big East. That means they have to play Notre Dame. Now I love my alma mater and all, but when it comes to college hoops Louisville trumps any team for me. I know this ticks off a lot of my fellow Domers, but get over it guys 'cause I ain't budgin' on this one. I've been waiting for U of L to win another championship since 1986. It's going to happen again sometime very soon. And until that time, the Irish basketball team is just a possum on the road where the Cardinal semi is rollin'.
Football, on the other hand, is a whole different story. I bleed gold & blue through and through every other night of the year. If ND and UofL ever meet on the gridiron then the tables turn. It's ND's turn for a football championship and I don't want a school that just learned what football is standing in the way. Capiche?
Okay, on to my last new blog:
The Athletic Goat. As I'm currently training for the LA Marathon, I thought it wise to dedicate a blog solely to the endeavour. Hopefully this blog will extend past just the marathon to include all things athletic, including dodgeball starting next month.
So there you have it. If you don't see a new post her at My Own Worst Enemy, check the others out. After all, I can only post so many times a day.
Author: Goat » Comments:
Massaging my shins... with ice
Thursday, December 08, 2005
I used to kind of think my roommate John Ryan was crazy when he would pull out a styrofoam cup from the freezer that contained a solid mass of ice, tear off the cup, and then start rubbing the ice on his legs. Now that I'm training for a marathon I can empathize with his madness. Shin splints have to be one of the most annoying and frustrating sports injuries ever. As I type this I'm rubbing a huge block of ice up and down my shins in an attempt to make them feel better before the big run on Saturday. Thank jebus I didn't go on my 3-miler today, I might not have been able to walk tomorrow.
One cool thing about this chunk of ice is that near the center it looks like the rings in the trunk of a tree. Or the inside of an Everlasting Gobstobber minus the colors.
Given the shape and density of the rings in this block of ice, I would say it's 24 hours old. And about to die. A slow and painful death.
"What do I think about when I'm running?? How I want TO DIE!"
- John Ryan
Author: Goat » Comments:
Yankee Swap
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
If you haven't seen the Christmas party episode of The Office yet, I suggest you find someone who Tivo-ed it and beg them to let you watch it. While the first half was almost as awkard and painful as that stupid movie
Meet the Parents, this episode redeems itself by actually being funny for the last half. (Yes, you heard me right,
Meet the Parents is
not funny. All of you who think it is funny can eat shit and die.)
Hilariously enough, the community band I play in is having its own Yankee Swap (or Nasty Christmas or White Elephant) party. There's a $50 cap on gift price, so there's potential for some sweet gifts. Luckily my office is only doing a pot luck dinner to celebrate the holiday. I really don't know the people in the office that well to do a Secret Santa and would probably end up getting my person a shamrock keychain. It's good luck.
Author: Goat » Comments:
Weekend Rundown
Monday, December 05, 2005
This was quite the event-filled weekend with several hilarious and ironic moments, so let's start from the top:
FridayI had been planning to cook baked chicken every night since Wednesday, yet Friday's attempt was foiled, too. In lieu of delicious chicken, Pangle, Phil, Jess, Matthias and I attended Booter's Christmas concert at St. James. The surprise of the performance was Booter's solo. Who would've thought that someone whose voice cracks during normal conversation like a pubescent boy could sing with such a deep voice? All the heads in our row instantly popped up with eyebrows raised, trying to figure out if Booter was lip-synching. Nope. Oh, his solo sounded pretty awesome (which wasn't surprising).
SaturdayGot some uber-awesome extra sleep action to start the day and then met up with Bret and Pangle for a 6-mile run. This marked my first "long" run for my marathon training, which was put on hold for two weeks due to travel and illness. Stupid bronchitis. Anyways, back to the run. Pangle took us down to a route she ran in Palos Verdes when she was training for her marathon. The route was pretty awesome; I felt like I was running through a zoo thanks to the beautiful scenery down in PV. The air was remarkably cleaner than the smog-filled atmosphere of the rest of LA, and the scent of eucalyptus filled the air. Thank Jebus I bought new running shoes last week. My old ones were giving me shin splints and re-agitating an old injury on my foot (the one that looks like a second ankle joint -- I'm a freak!) The shin splints disappeared but the soreness in my foot was still there. Balls.
Upon returning from my run, I rallied the guys to go down to the local bank so we could open a joint account for the apartment. Now, it might not seem like a big event, but it was quite a momentous equation. We've been trying to do this since June. This was the first weekend we were all in town on Saturday morning. So we walk over to the bank with checkbooks and IDs in hand, sit down with a manager and start all the paperwork. She starts entering our info and all is going well until... BAM! Disaster. The following is a reinactment of the ensuing conversation.
| Manager: | | Mr. Turner?
|
| Me: | | Yes?
|
| Manager: | | You have been declined for a new account. Please hand over your checkbook and roll up your sleeves so we can cut off your hands for this heinous offense.
|
| Me: | | Wait, what??
|
Actually, the part about chopping off my hands isn't entirely true. They only wanted all my fingers except the pinkies. "Let's see you write checks with just your pinkies! Mwuhahahaha!"
But seriously, it turns out I overdrafted my account back at Purdue (on a $3 Arby's sandwich and then a $0.99 iTunes song) and that set off a huge red flag. Apparently I can't open an account with this new bank for 5 years! Funny, the overdraft I had at ND because Ball didn't sign his rent check didn't send off any red flags. Damn you still, Ball.
The hilarity of this scenario is that one of my roommates has horrendous credit and another has never had a credit card.
Plus, I make a substantially higher income than they do (not rubbing it in guys, just stating the facts). All this, and I'm left off the account. Hilarious.
The day continued with beer-battered brats at Matthias' request. After watching the first half of USC's drubbing of UCLA, the majority of the apartment fell into slumber. We also purchased two Christmas trees; one Booter-safe and Booter-sized for indoors, and one real, taller-than-Booter tree for our front porch.
Later on I skipped out on the girls' high school soccer game to go get my foot checked out since it hurt to walk. I travel to a local urgent care facility and start filling out the paperwork. For some strange reason, they wanted to know my religion. Very strange. I can only assume they used this information for good (but not
for awesome). After an hour of watching FSU humiliate VaTech in the waiting room, they finally call my name. The nurse takes my blood pressure and temperature and all I can think is, "Are those vital stats when evaluating a foot injury?" Cue
Dr. Hibbert's voice: "Hmmm. BP is 123 over 85, temperature 97.3º... I'm afraid you're suffering from a stress fracture. A-Heh heh heh heh!" Hilariously enough, when the doctor arrived in the room another hour later, he was African American. Booya! He proceeded to "guess" that I had
Plantar Fasciitis. The remedy? Stack gauze in my shoe and cut out a hole where the pain is so when I step there's no pressure on the painful spot. "That'll be $100. A-Heh heh heh heh!" I still haven't found a pair of scissors and thus have not tried this miracle cure yet.
I finally got to cook my baked chicken dinner which was surprisingly substandard considering the half-week of buildup. The night took a turn for the better when Booter suggested Lord of the Rings Monopoly. He and Matthias busted out a couple bottles of red wine and I grabbed my Dr. Pepper and bottle of bourbon. Despite my horrible play and near-subsequent bankruptcy, the game was a smashing success that end with all three of us ruthlessly intoxicated. Afterwards, they went out to the bars while I drunk-dialed Ginger and passed out.
SundayPangle and I went to mass at St. James where the priest told us that Advent was like a spiritual GPS system. In fact, GPS stood for "God, Patriarchs, Saints." I love it when priests are clever in their homilies. Otherwise I end up day-dreaming in mass.
That afternoon I verntured out to do some Christmas shopping for the fam. Holy crap, the stores were packed. It didn't help that I was already a little tired, so suffice it to say that i was a wee bit grumpy when I finally got back to the apartment. Phil can attest to this as he was hanging Christmas lights with me when my phone rang and I said "Who the eff is calling me now?" Bah Humbug! Humbug, I say! Turned out it was Mel on the phone, which was a nice surprise.
Nine of us ended up going out to dinner at Chili's (our second choice). I relived past memories of Fajita 'Rita Mondays by ordering Classic Fajitas, Skillet Queso and two tall Coors Lights. The food and (more probably) the beer put me in better spirits. We capped the night off with two episodes from Scrubs, Season Two. I still can't believe they cancelled that show. Much funnier than all the
other shows people are complaining about being cancelled.
Author: Goat » Comments:
The readers are restless
It has been brought to my attention that I'm not posting frequently enough on my blog to appease my readers. Just look at this accusatory email I received only moments ago!
you haven't blogged since november?!?! >:-O
Clearly my lack of posting has thrown this loyal reader into a furious rage, as evidenced by repititious punctuation marks and furrowed brow/gigantic mouth of the emoticon. I won't reveal the identity of the irate emailer, but her name rhymes with Jism.
Fear not, faithful fans, for I will soon provide you with more means for procrastination! Laziness for all!
Author: Goat » Comments:
