my own worst enemy

If you can dodge a wrench...

Monday, November 28, 2005

So I joined my office's dodgeball team. I played my first match with them last week and it was rather disastrous. You see, they're all athletic and can throw. And then there's me, who didn't play sports. Ever.

Actually, it wasn't too terrible. Our team is pretty good and so my mistakes really didn't have that big of an impact. We won the match 6-4. My biggest mistakes involved the Dead Man round. You see, one round they make one player on each team wear a yellow jersey and he's the Dead Man. If he goes out of bounds or gets out, then the game is over. Well, in their infinite wisdom my teammates made me the Dead Man. I ended up throwing one of the larger balls and it got caught. I'm out, game over. Oops. At last I didn't do something dumber, like barely stepping out of bounds. The other laughable moment was when I went to throw one of the larger balls and it sailed over the 20 foot fence and out of the park. Awesome. I blame my cold. Stupid cold, why did you do that? We'll see if tonight is any better.

Reader poll: Who thinks the character from Dodgeball I most resemble is the guy on the left in that photo? I thought about dressing as a pirate and going by "Steve", but I think AniMal might be better suited for that.

Author: Goat » Comments:

What ever happened to predictability?

Sunday, November 27, 2005

So I realize that it has been a long time since I have made a sincere post to this blog, and it's only being compounded by the fact that the basketball posts are starting to overpower the blog. In retrospect, I should have created a separate blog for the basketball news. I'll look into it this week when I have time. But to be honest, I've been traveling for work and vacation the past two weeks, and I'm actually being given some work to do when I go to, well, work. Amazing concept! So I will do what I can when I can. Let's start by talking about this weekend.

I went back to Kentucky for the Thanksgiving holiday and got to see the parents, Shannon, and the boys. It had been about 4 months since I had seen any of my family, so it was a pretty awesome trip. All are well. Shannon and John ran a 5-miler on Thanksgiving morning so Mom and I were stuck watching Josh and Drew. Drew is 51" tall and Josh is 41" tall. They are 5 and 3 years old, respectively. I'm envisioning a "Cannon All-Star Basketball Team" in about 15 years. Mom and Dad seem to be doing well. It really hit me that they both need new cars, and now. I think between their two cars they have ove 440,000 miles and 24 years of age. Yikes.

There were only two low points of the trip. First, I was sick. Slight case of brochitis-slash-ear infection. Second, I went to visit my Grandma. Visiting Grandma is usually good, but this time it was in a hospital. I just really don't like going to hospitals. I think it's the constant reminder of death associated with them. Grandma's fine, just had some chest congestion, and they even released her the afternoon we visited. I'm still a little worried about her. Unfortunately, the fact is that she's getting old and her body isn't as healthy as it used to be. I just hope I get to visit her at her home when I go back for Christmas.

Once I got back to L.A., it was early to rise Saturday morning and off to the Stanford game. Mel and Bret rode up with me and we met up with the rest of the Place Corps people outside Stanford Stadium. I would just like to point out that these guys don't know how to tailgate. Here are my strikes against them:

1. Snooty Beer: Sorry, but when you're tailgating, you don't bring a case of Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale. This isn't a Christmas Party, this is football. The idea is to get drunk before the game, and you can't do that easily if you're drinking heavy, flavored beers. Stick to the basics: Miller Lite, Bud Lite, Coors Lite, PBR, Schlitz, etc.
2. No Bratwurst: Okay, so maybe this is a midwestern thing, but I swear I have never been to a tailgate that didn't have bratwurst. There is nothing better than a pre-game, beer-battered, grilled-to-perfection bratwurst. Well, maybe a second quarter jumbo sausage... To give you an idea, this tailgate had turkey hot-dogs and turkey burger patties. Tailgate barely redeemed itself by having one package of four ground beef hamburger patties.

I thought I had a strike three, but I think I got so wrapped up in the bratwurst thing that I forgot it. Other than that, the tailgate was good and there was some fun Caps/Beer Pong action. going on. Unfortunately, I couldn't drink much as I was on antibiotics. Probably would have been okay, but I didn't want to chance it.

Random moment of the afternoon was when three guys in green body paint run by our tailgate yelling "Go Notre Dame!" I get to looking at the them and notice it's Moose and Hoover. Those crazy guys. Then Mothball shows up. What the hell? Actually, Mothball showed up several times and even sang to me as I was throwing a football around. I wish I had been drunk, too, because drunk people are even funnier when you're drunk with them.

The game was shitty. That's right, I said shitty. I'm glad the team finally showed up in the last two minutes. Numbers-wise, we were dominating that Stanford team. I didn't give up, though. I did shout several profanities, which shocked my friend Mel (who apparently didn't think I cussed). Honestly, though, being at that game brought back memories of the Davie era, when ND played not to lose. Charlie better kick some sense into this team before the Fiesta Bowl or we're going to get our asses handed to us by OSU.

Okay, time to eat dinner. Holy crap, it's 9:51!

Author: Goat » Comments:

Lost!

Holy crap, just watched the latest episode of Lost. Does this show just keep getting better and better, or what?

So Ana Lucia finally gets put in her place. Awesome. She was getting kind of annoying with her bossy attitude and "I know best" mentality. Obviously Mr. Echo is a better judge of situations than she is. Plus, he killed two Others at the same time, not one at a time like Ana Lucia. Mr. Echo might be my new favorite character. I can't wait for him and Locke to pair up. Echo and Sayid would make one hell of a two-man army. Thankfully they didn't kill each other in that fight.

Nice to see Kate again in an episode. It's too bad the writers didn't have her and Jack finish that game of golf. If there's one thing I love watching on TV, it's golf. If I could watch golf 24/7, I would build a toilet in my recliner, put a stocked fridge next to it, and never leave. (I hope your sarcasm meters are on a low threshold. Apparently, even when I lay it on thick it sounds like I'm serious.) I'm pretty much ruling out a Jack/Kate hookup. Looks like Kate wants Sawyer and Jack nearly crapped himself when he heard Ana Lucia's name. Actually, I don't even think those hookups will happen. I think the writers are determined not to have any of the main main characters do anything related to hooking up. I bet they're sexually frustrated and are taking it out on the characters. Ha-HA! No nookie for you, suckers.

Oh, mad props to Ginger for noticing that in Episode 202, a Dharma logo appears on the tail of the shark that attacks Sawyer. Check out the screen-grabs.

Author: Goat » Comments:

Backer Blues

Thursday, November 17, 2005

So Jism is trying to compile a list of Backer songs so she can relive her favorite Backer memories (like that time she danced on the floor with Seabass -- so much for her pub crawl shirt). I really got to thinking about it, and I only came up with a few. So I enlisted the help of Alaska and Crowley. Crowley then elisted "Aero Kat," someone I don't believe I know, but am forever endebted to.

Here's the list so far. Feel free to add some on. And tell me which one's are wrong.

1. Livin' on a Prayer (Bon Jovi)
2. You Give Love a Bad Name (Bon Jovi)
3. Country Roads (John Denver)
4. Rocky Top (some Tennessean. Methinks Dolly Parton)
5. Oh What a Night (?)
6. Brandy (?)
7. Sweet Caroline (Neil Diamond)
8. Pianoman (Billy Joel)
9. Come On Eileen (Dexy's Midnight Runners)
10. You Don't Have To Call Me Darlin' (David Allen Coe)
11. Friends in Low Places (Garth Brooks)
12. I Love This Bar (?)
13. Chicago - It's My Kind of Town (Frank Sinatra)
14. Proud To Be An American (?)
15. Notre Dame Victory March (Shea Bros.)
16. Glory Days (Bruce Springsteen)
17. Pink Houses (John Mellencamp)
18. Small Town (John Mellencamp)
19. Jack & Diane (John Mellencamp)
20. Only the Good Die Young (Billy Joel)
21. Brown-eyed Girl (Van Morrison)
22. Any Way You Want It (Journey)
23. Don't Stop Believin' (Journey)
24. Moondance (Van Morrison)
25. Ring of Fire (Johnny Cash)

These I'm not sure about:

• You Shook Me All Night Long (AC/DC)
• Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw (Jimmy Buffett)
• When I Think About You I Touch Myself (?)

Now all we need is some Backer Juice that will inadvertently appear on our clothes after listening to said playlist. Good times, good times.

Author: Goat » Comments:

I'll see your 19º and raise you another 59º

It finally happened. Today is the day I've been waiting for since I moved to LA -- the day where people in Indiana are freezing their butts off for the first time and I'm still wearing shorts and t-shirts in the California sunshine. Suck it, Hoosiers!

The following is text from an email Ginger sent me this morning:

holy shit, it's fucking cold out here. it was so cold that the lock on my driver's side door froze shut. it does this every year. i checked weather.com to make sure it's as cold as it feels. yup.it's 19 degrees outside, but it feels like 6 according to their website. so at least i'm [not] imagining the coldness. my hands are finally starting to thaw.

Notre Dame was covered with a thin blanket of snow this morning. No doubt the "snow brushes" were out in full force.

It looks like I got out of Northern Virginia just in the nick of time, too.

Current temperature in Huntington Beach: 78º (feels like 79º)

All you suckers who are stuck in the cold are. . . well. . . suckers.

Author: Goat » Comments:

A Grammatical Weekend

Sunday, November 13, 2005

First of all, I would like to say how disappointed I am at the number of comments about my picture of Fr. Goat. Honestly, I look like a priest! It's frightening! And hilarious! Calm my insecurities!

Okay, on to the weekend.

Saturday was filled with football, starting with an Irish pasting of Navy. Ah, finally we're beating Navy into a pulp like we should be. No more Willingham win-by-three Navy games. I predict 42 more years of pain for the Middies. Next, we went up to the UCLA-ASU game in Pasadena. I can now add the Rose Bowl to my list of college football venues. Booya! Joe (aka "Sports Bar") grilled up a slab of tri-tip the size of Matthias' torso, according to Maria and Pangle. It was no bratwurst, but quite possibly more delicious. I say it was 31% more delicious, in fact. I then learned about the "Grammar Club," which is a group of PLAVErs that have always felt the urge to correct people's grammar but didn't feel comfortable doing it until they joined PLACE. Current members include Pangle, Matthias and Booter. Being a champion of the subjunctive case, I immediately filled out an application to join. The four of us will combine to form a grammatical error-fighting team the like of which the world hath never seen!

The football game was boring (PAC-10 is to college football as the NBA is to basketball -- NO DEFENSE).

Today I got my church on with Matthias and Pangle, and then went on a 20-mile ride with Phil. The ride was capped off with an epic race up the Grand Ave hill (about 1/4 mile at 5% grade). It was neck and neck until my pedal hit the curb and Phil took off.

I was talking to Rooster tonight on IM and I signed off by typing "c ya." I have always hated people who abbreviate words down to single letters and now I am one of them! If Strong Bad were here, he would punch me in the junk and then make fun of my blog.

Author: Goat » Comments:

Fr. Goat

Friday, November 11, 2005

I had the weirdest dream this morning while in between alarms. I was at mass and for some reason or another, the priest wasn't there. So I was giving mass. Only I wasn't just reading the part of the priest, I was in full garb. The robes, flowing grace, bald... striking. Okay, not bald, but you get it. Somehow I manage to get the parish through the eucharist and it time to say to the closing prayers. Now any good Catholic knows the prayers are all written out in a book for the priest. So I turn to the acolytes and ask them where the prayer is in the book. They got nothin'. Gotta wing it. Annnnnd I draw a blank. Can't even think of how the mass ends. My mom's out in the congregation just smiling at me like she knows I can pull it off. What is this, an elementary school play? Oh, and for some reason the priest garb includes this shawl-like thing over my shoulders that's so tight I can't move my arms at the shoulder, only the elbows.

Take that and smoke it your pipe, Freud.

Why can't I just have dreams like the one freshman year where the Tones were having a scavenger hunt in a mall and Andrea was my partner and instead of looking for stuff we just made out. Ahh, Andrea. Stupid Pinto, what was he thinking?

Author: Goat » Comments:

I've got a lot of fond memories of that dog.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

And by "dog" I mean "weekend in Indiana."

The highlight of the trip was definitely Breakfast Club. For those of you not in-the-know, Breakfast Club is the only cool thing about football Saturdays at Purdue. The bars open at 7:00am on gameday and the students show up in costumes like it's Halloween, drink copious amounts of cheap liquor and participate in savage debauchery on the dance floor. The lucky ones pair up with a fellow BC-er and stumble back to their rooms for an inebriated hookup session. No one actually goes to football games at Purdue, didn't you know?

I went as Ginger's favorite movie character -- Indiana Jones. Ginger went as Wonder Woman! (edit: Ginger made her costume from scratch! She spent like two weeks on the boots alone.) Check it out.

Can you imagine if these two characters actually hooked up? The would be the ultimate crime-fighting/relic-stealing team! Wonder Woman could deflect the Nazi bullets with her armbands while Indiana could push big German bullies into the engines of WW's invisble jet! And with one having a bullwhip and the other a "Lasso of Truth", you can bet this dynamic duo would have some fun celebrations after coming home with yet another golden idol at the cost of five million dead Nazis. Why did comic book writers never catch on to this? It's a traveshamockery.

Breakfast Club was a success, with much intoxication. A bunch of guys gawked at Ginger all morning, and the bartender was hitting on her until he tasted the leather of my bullwhip. Tastes good, doesn't it? DOESN'T IT?? One of the more hilarious moments of the morning was when another guy dressed as Indiana Jones inched by us with his hands up as if trying to stay far away, saying "Awkwarrrrd. Awkwarrrrrd." Then a bunch of girls dressed as Tom Cruise in Risky Business jumped the other Indy. So bizarre. I'll take Wonder Woman over cross-dressing Tom Cruise wannabes anyday.

The rest of the weekend was filled with much fewer costume wearing fools. Make that zero. After a most excellent Irish victory over Tennessee, I took Ginger to dinner at a pretty cool bistro in downtown Lafayette. We each had a delicious Filet Mignon and split a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon. Seem a little excessive? Well, it was our one-year anniversary. I've never been in a relationship for a year before now, so it was pretty cool to get to celebrate. Ginger is still bragging that her anniversary gift was a 10 oz. filet. Some girls like flowers and jewelry; Ginger likes food.

Author: Goat » Comments:

We named the dog Indiana

Friday, November 04, 2005

So it seems to be an Indiana weekend for all my friends. And it seems that I'm the only one not traveling to South Bend. Instead I'm venturing to the icy tundra that is West Lafayette, where the football team sucks and they drink heavily to make the girls appear attractive. Luckily for me, I'm going to spend the weekend with one of the few genuinely beautiful girls there. And she's mine. ALL MINE. MWUHAHAHAHAHA!

It should be a pretty sweet trip. We're going to Breakfast Club on Saturday morning dressed as Indiana Jones and Wonder Woman. After getting completely boofy-blitzed on cheap well drinks, it's off to watch the Irish beat the Vols at the local bar. Then to dinner at Bistro 501. Then who knows what?! We're crazy sons-of-bitches. You never know what we'll do.

And since I failed to make any posts last weekend, here's a picture that sums it up pretty well.

Author: Goat » Comments:

Tendering my resignation

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Consider this my official resignation from the Beard Club. Actually, I quit last Saturday right before we went out for Maria's birthday dinner. You can see how far I progressed in the club in the pictures above. That's a week's worth of not shaving. I swear. It was so little that my roommates didn't notice I had shaved it off until well into the dinner that night.

I'm not going to complain. I can only imagine what people like Stitch must have to endure with massive razor-burn every morning (not to mention having the emotions of a pregnant woman on steroids, during her period).

If you're calling me a quitter, well then mister, you're right. But I'm a quitter who's going to get a lot more kisses this this weekend from his girlfriend because he shaved. I think that makes me a winner.

And they say quitters never win.

Author: Goat » Comments:

Triple the Fillings, Triple the Fun

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

I went to the dentist this year for the first time in like two years. Wayyy overdue. Had to get a filling the last time I went in (the first in my adult teeth). But I take care of my teeth pretty well, so I wasn’t too worried.

I get back to the chair and the dentist’s assistant, a little Mexican girl, starts laying the bed-side manner on pretty thick. Telling me I have nice teeth and asking if I wore braces when I was younger. It worked, too. Pretty soon I was telling her about my friends and my job and she was telling me about her cousin’s neighbor the drug addict. Best buds, we were.

Then she starts taking x-rays. At my old dentist they only took two x-rays: left side and right side. Done. This girl took like twelve x-rays! The best part was the heavy lead blanket she put over my chest and how she ran out into the hallway every time she took an x-ray. Are alarm bells ringing for anyone else? Should we really be shooting x-rays at point-blank range INTO MY MOUTH if an errant ray could harm someone in the hallway? Then she pulled out this cool camera wand and took pictures of the inside of my mouth. Turns out the back of my front teeth weren’t so clean (just stained a little). But the way they put the pictures up on a TV screen was like saying, “You thought you knew how to brush, didn’t you? DIDN’T YOU?!? You were wrong.”

The dentist comes in and promptly declares I have a cavity. Awesome. Figured I might. No bedside manner with this guy, he just gets in and starts drilling away. The worst part about the drilling is the smell of pulverized tooth. It gets in your nose and you can’t get rid of it. I can still smell it now. After he finishes drilling out half of one tooth, he says, “I think you might have a cavity in your wisdom tooth. I would like to check it out.” Translation: “I’m going to drill around some more to see if my hunch is correct.” Balls. More pulverized tooth smell. Sure enough, another cavity. Hey doc, while your at it let’s drill out the rest of my molars! It’ll be swell! No, I’m glad he found it when he did. A filling sounds less painful than a root canal. Yikes.

The best part (read: “worst part”) about get a filling is that half your face is numb for three hours after the surgery. Do you know how hard it is to spit when half your face is numb? Let’s just say I almost gave my shirt a nice saliva stain upon leaving the dentist. Did you like that visual? I thought you would. Here’s a list of other things that are new impossible to do with half your face numb:

• Whistle
• Notice you’ve bitten your lip.... multiple times
• Play a brass instrument
• Taste food
• Sing opera
• Drink water without it spilling out the side of your mouth (a la Kramer)
• Orate a filibuster

Keep these in mind the next time you go to the dentist.

Author: Goat » Comments: